Choosing to Trust.

I woke up to incredibly sad news. News that shakes you to the core. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Rewind to last night, while I was perusing Facebook, like I always do when the kiddos are asleep, I came across an amber alert. My heart sank. Any Mama knows that feeling. You see any kind of missing person picture and all you see looking back at you, is your own precious child. I froze in absolute terror. This poor little girl was just playing outside in her neighborhood and a monster came along, put her in his truck, and she was gone. This is the 3rd story of this kind of abduction I've heard in two weeks. It's too much. I can't take the thought. I can't even begin to stomach it. The helplessness that mother must have felt, the fear, the pain. I just can't.

 I shared the alert, and honestly just couldn't shake the girl from my mind, I just prayed and prayed asking God to give her courage to jump from the car, to fight, to scream and to run. I prayed for wisdom for the police and comfort for the family. 

Still burdened, I looked up the case this morning and heard the terrible news, they found the little girl's body and arrested the alleged monster who did it, he just happens to be a man who worked with kids at a middle school as a coach. The monster worked with kids everyday. Our world is so sick. So very, very sick. 

Anxiety and fear came rushing in like a tidal wave, I was engulfed and looking for a way out. So I took the natural way and made an alliance with fear, and decided my children will never leave my side, ever. No Kindergarten next year, no playing outside, no church functions, nada. Just home in a closet, and maybe they'll leave when they're 25. What other choice is there? I just kept going in circles in my mind, and the more I thought about it, the further down I went. I honestly almost had a panic attack. Fear was crippling me. 

When you become a mother, this instinct arises in you, I would literally go crazy on someone to protect my kids. There is nothing I wouldn't do to protect them. So the thought of someone taking them, and me being helpless to save them, is just unbearable. I just kept going around in my mind, playing out scenarios and allowing myself to be paralyzed with fear.

This went on for a few hours. Then, the Holy Spirit began to nudge. And I fought, like I usually do, I'm quite the donkey sometimes. Hooves in the ground having to be dragged to do what God is asking of me. This morning he was asking me to trust in Him. But honestly it's so hard to trust Him, it seems easier to hold tightly to my kids and try to protect them myself. I want to be their security. 

Then this song came on and I heard these words, and His peace came.

"From a baby's first cry, to the last breath.
Every fight in our minds, every victory dance.
You've always been there.

Ancient one, so amazing, unfailing, you are Holy One, 
Overwhelming my heart with your love. 

Yahweh, Yahweh, faithful God you're here to stay.
Yahweh, Yahweh, Forever and always the same." 

Yahweh. The Great I AM. He has always been here, and always will be. 

From the time my babies were in the secret place of my womb and he was knitting them together, He was there. 

The moment they took their first breath, He was there. 

The times of joy, sickness, grief, firsts, hurt, and everything in between, He has ALWAYS been there, and will ALWAYS be there. 

We dedicated them back to Him, placed them in His giant hands, and we declare that He a plan for their lives and it's good. We trust in His name.

And no matter what happens, good or bad, He is always with them. 

And he is always with me. 

Over and over in scripture you read "fear not", the Lord knew that there is much in this world that we could chose to fear, but he reminded me this morning that He has over come the world. We may face horrible tragedy in our time on earth, but we have the promise that He will be with us through it, and whatever circumstance my children have to walk through He will be faithful to walk with them, as well. He is faithful. I had to, once again, lay my children at His feet this morning. Trusting their precious lives to Him. He is their hope, shield and strength.